It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize