I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
