Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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