I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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