I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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