Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize