im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
