I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
