Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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