she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
