What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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