So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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