I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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