I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
