a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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