Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
