he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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