When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
