I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
