How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
