Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You ruined the universe
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
