U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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