I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
hell yes lets make some ravioli
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
