even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
