Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
