im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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