I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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