Non-Jews are for practice
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
