Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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