Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
