idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
