I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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