Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
