Sry I called you an 8
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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