I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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