So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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