i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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