i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
