I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
