mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
