woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
