In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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