Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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