you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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