i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
