what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
