My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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