Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
