Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
