so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
where am i from again
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize