how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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