She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize