Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
