just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
