dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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