Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
