I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We are two peas in an std pod
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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