i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
