I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
