I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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