i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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