Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
