A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize