You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
