oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
