you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
