No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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