Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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