My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize