If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
