mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
