So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
