Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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