wakey wakey hands off snakey
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
