you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
