I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
