I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
