I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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