Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
COCAINE IS GR8
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
