You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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