and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
