Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
