I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize