Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
