My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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