So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
