You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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