i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
