Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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