if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
