I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
