If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i think my cat just said my name.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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