i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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