I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
